I knew my birthday was going to be tough this year, and I was right. It was so hard knowing grandpa wasn't able to be a part of the day this year. In all of my 33 yrs, my grandpa has always been a part of it. If he wasn't there celebrating with me, he always called. Tears flowed Fri. night knowing the day was coming to a close and I hadn't gotten a phone call from him. I missed hearing his voice. Hearing him call me his Babe. Saying that he loved me. I feel the loss in every area of my life.
So while I was at my lowest, Friday, I went online to try to distract myself. And I got the best gift ever. I found so many wonderful b-day messages from friends. New and old. And from my Lupie girls'. I smiled and I laughed. Something I did very little of during the day. My girls' helped me thru the worst of it. The tears stopped and I was doing better. The sadness and grief lifted. My girls' helped me thru a tough day. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. Pulling for me. Reminding me that I'm a strong woman when life becomes a little too much to handle. My girls' wrap me in a blanket of love and support. They're there comforting me on the bad days and rejoicing with me on the good. Thanks, girls', you're the best!!
I AM BLESSED
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Jan. 10th, The Worst Day Ever
Okay, so I'm going to try blogging. Not sure how I'll do, but here it goes. Stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something new.
I thought for sure this year was going to suck after the way it started off. Losing 2 grandparents in a little less than a month. Not my idea of a good time. And then knowing that March 9th would mark the 11th year for me being sick w/Lupus and the other diseases that are running rampant throughout my body. That alone was going to be hard enough to deal with, but then losing 2 loved ones... bad year for sure.
January 10th was the worst day ever. Even worse than all of the painful tests I've been put through over the past 11 years. I lost my grandpa. And with him went pieces of my heart. From the moment that I was born we had been insepparable. I was the first grandchild on my dad's side of the family and a grand-daughter at that. My grandpa had always wanted a daughter. Instead had three boys. From the moment that he held me, I had his heart. I was his Babe and I could do no wrong.
It's so hard remembering what I had and what I've now lost. My eyes burn from the tears threatening to fall. Throat constricting. sigh Oh, I miss him. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about him. Where I'd think he would love hearing that. I'd go to pick up the phone to call him only to remember that I couldn't. He's not here anymore. And my heart breaks a little more. I would give anything to hear his voice again. To hear him call me his Babe one more time. Be wrapped up in his arms. I would hold on and never let go. But I can't. He's gone. Taking with him pieces of my heart.
So into this void I say, I love you grandpa. I'll always be your Babe. sniff
I thought for sure this year was going to suck after the way it started off. Losing 2 grandparents in a little less than a month. Not my idea of a good time. And then knowing that March 9th would mark the 11th year for me being sick w/Lupus and the other diseases that are running rampant throughout my body. That alone was going to be hard enough to deal with, but then losing 2 loved ones... bad year for sure.
January 10th was the worst day ever. Even worse than all of the painful tests I've been put through over the past 11 years. I lost my grandpa. And with him went pieces of my heart. From the moment that I was born we had been insepparable. I was the first grandchild on my dad's side of the family and a grand-daughter at that. My grandpa had always wanted a daughter. Instead had three boys. From the moment that he held me, I had his heart. I was his Babe and I could do no wrong.
It's so hard remembering what I had and what I've now lost. My eyes burn from the tears threatening to fall. Throat constricting. sigh Oh, I miss him. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about him. Where I'd think he would love hearing that. I'd go to pick up the phone to call him only to remember that I couldn't. He's not here anymore. And my heart breaks a little more. I would give anything to hear his voice again. To hear him call me his Babe one more time. Be wrapped up in his arms. I would hold on and never let go. But I can't. He's gone. Taking with him pieces of my heart.
So into this void I say, I love you grandpa. I'll always be your Babe. sniff
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