Okay, so I'm going to try blogging. Not sure how I'll do, but here it goes. Stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something new.
I thought for sure this year was going to suck after the way it started off. Losing 2 grandparents in a little less than a month. Not my idea of a good time. And then knowing that March 9th would mark the 11th year for me being sick w/Lupus and the other diseases that are running rampant throughout my body. That alone was going to be hard enough to deal with, but then losing 2 loved ones... bad year for sure.
January 10th was the worst day ever. Even worse than all of the painful tests I've been put through over the past 11 years. I lost my grandpa. And with him went pieces of my heart. From the moment that I was born we had been insepparable. I was the first grandchild on my dad's side of the family and a grand-daughter at that. My grandpa had always wanted a daughter. Instead had three boys. From the moment that he held me, I had his heart. I was his Babe and I could do no wrong.
It's so hard remembering what I had and what I've now lost. My eyes burn from the tears threatening to fall. Throat constricting. sigh Oh, I miss him. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about him. Where I'd think he would love hearing that. I'd go to pick up the phone to call him only to remember that I couldn't. He's not here anymore. And my heart breaks a little more. I would give anything to hear his voice again. To hear him call me his Babe one more time. Be wrapped up in his arms. I would hold on and never let go. But I can't. He's gone. Taking with him pieces of my heart.
So into this void I say, I love you grandpa. I'll always be your Babe. sniff
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